In This Together
by daynaa
Summary: SPOILER ALERT! Post Rampage! EricCalleigh!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So I just watched the episode Rampage and I felt the definite need to write a fiction after it. It was amazing, and I am still crying over it. Ugh, I still can't process everything that happened really because it was so high actionish but wow. I want to go watch it again and again but I should go to bed since I'm sick. But I'm going to write this first, and I have to say, I was pleased at the sudden burst of Eric/Calleigh scenes, although I could have went for a hug when he found out his sister was dead, but at least she was there for him sort of… I literally started crying at the first Eric/Calleigh scene just because there hasn't been a good scene with them for sooo long! Anyhow, story.

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, I only own the idea and the little monologue of sorts at the beginning!

And it's Calleigh/Eric you know, if you didn't guess or don't know me at all haha.

--&

_I used to want to live forever. I used to want a lot of things that I don't want anymore. For the older I grew, the wiser I got. The longer I lived, the more things I did in past years, things I loved in past years, seemed silly and pointless. I grew to realize that I've gained more knowledge than I've ever possessed by acknowledging that I know nothing at all. And by knowing that in two years from now I'll be laughing in spite of myself at something I'll do tomorrow, or next week. In life, you have to realize that things can't last forever, nothing does. Your friends will lie and they'll deceive you. Love will come, and it will pass. Vacations, jobs, nothing in life is a guarantee. Nothing in life will last as long as you want it to but you have to remember: If you're able to remember the good times, the secrets, if you're able to forgive... then in a way, you have the power to make anything last as long as you want it to in your personal forever. And if you're able to love who you are, what you're doing and who you are with every second of every day, then forever, your life, could end tomorrow for you and it would be alright. But if you're suffering, if you're burdening yourself with worries of tomorrow rather than the joys of today, then you might as well surpass forever for if your world ended five minutes from now, none of your suffering is worth anything. Years of hard work and stress and it's over and you never knew the wonders of the moment, you never lived your dreams, you never expressed yourself. You never knew happiness. So consider how you live your life because forever could end tomorrow for you and you don't want regrets. In the wise words of Jonathan Larson, "No day but today."_

--&

It was a short and sweet service that started in a small church in the Cuban neighbourhood where Eric's parents lived. He felt bad for them considering they didn't even know Marisol was married until she was dying. Why did she have to die anyways? It wasn't fair that she died that way. She had beaten the cancer, she was moving on, she was living life and then this. Sometimes he considered quitting his job. Lots of times really. After Speed's death, now, and various points in between. Would Marisol have gotten shot if he hadn't been with the force? Probably not. She wouldn't have met Horatio either which in the long run of things was the reason she got shot, but would she have been as happy as she was if she wouldn't have met Horatio? As much as Eric wanted to think it was a mistake, that they shouldn't have rushed into things like that, he knew Marisol loved his boss, and visa versa. He could tell she was happier than she had been since she'd gotten cancer but everything just made him hate the world. Why Marisol? Why his beautiful, intelligent, amazing older sister? Why did she have to get cancer, why did she have to die so young? She had the rest of her life ahead of her, she was just married, they were trying to conceive. Everything was going blurry in Eric's head as he tried to figure out all of his thoughts and listen to the minister at the same time. The service was ending and this was goodbye. Goodbye forever to his big sister. The sister he had looked up to all through his childhood. The sister he had saved from trouble countless times in their teens. The sister he had shared secrets with, cried with, when times got rough. The sister who had cried on his shoulder when she was diagnosed. The sister who he spent years going to treatments with. The sister he spent years fight death with. How could he say goodbye to her? He couldn't. He couldn't do this. Closing his eyes, he felt his sanity slipping out of his body with every tear that trickled down his cheek. He faintly felt Calleigh squeezing his hand from where she sat beside him. Would Calleigh be next? It seemed as if every person who was important in his life disappeared one by one. First Speed, his best friend, now Marisol, his sister, the person he was most close to for his whole life. Would Calleigh be next? He couldn't lose her too. He would do anything he had to to protect her. Anything. He opened his eyes and realized that he and Calleigh were the only ones left in the room.

"You okay Eric?" She asked him quietly after moments of pure silence.

"No." He answered honestly. "I don't think I've been okay for a long time. I mean, I thought I was okay, I pretended I was okay after Speed… and then I was really getting to be okay… and then this… and…" He couldn't explain what was going through his head out loud. He couldn't make anyone else understand.

"Eric," Calleigh began, and then stopped. She didn't know what to say to make things better. Sometimes actions conveyed more than words. She stood up and offered him her hand. A metaphor to show she was there to support him. He accepted and she pulled him up. They just stood there facing each other for what seemed like eternity before they simultaneously moved closer into each other's embrace for a hug.

"Excuse me, but we've got to…" One of the funeral home workers motioned towards the casket, which was being closed.

"Eric, let's go get into my car okay? I'll drive you to the cemetery. We can come back for your car later." Calleigh told him, and he just nodded, silently wiping away at the tears that were still steadily falling down his cheeks. Calleigh took his hand and led him to her car.

The ride from the funeral to the burial site was silent except from the occasional sniffle from Eric. They could see everyone already starting to gather around the spot where Marisol was to be buried. It wasn't a large funeral really she wouldn't have wanted that. Horatio was there naturally, Eric's parents and sisters, Ryan, Alexx and Frank, then Eric and Calleigh. They were the last to arrive seeing as they had been the last to leave the funeral home, therefore the last car in line-up behind the hearse. Getting out, the silently made their way over to the gathering. Eric was pulled into his Mother's embrace immediately as he played strong and wrapped his arms around her as she cried into his shoulder. Calleigh made her way over to Horatio who hadn't spoken or acknowledged anyone since the service started. "How're you doing Horatio?" She asked quietly as she stood behind him. At first, she thought he was going to ignore her when he didn't turn around but after moments of silence he spoke.

"I don't know what to do Calleigh, I really don't." He told her quietly, not turning around, head facing the grass. It was one of those rare moments where Horatio let someone see past his strong shell and inside to the fragile person he really was.

"I know Horatio, I can't imagine how you feel." Calleigh sympathized.

"I know you can Calleigh." Horatio whispered. For the first time that day Calleigh let a tear fall down her cheek. "I know you can." He repeated. "How did you bounce back? How did you find something to live for again? First I lost my Mother, then Ray, then Speed, and then I got Ray back and lost him again as quickly as I found him and this time he took Yelina and Ray Jr. with him. Then I found Marisol and everything that ever happened to me was forgotten. She made me happier than anything Calleigh, and now she's gone, and it's my fault. I know it's my fault, and now I have nothing."

"You still have Eric and I, and Ryan and Alexx. Yelina and Ray Jr will come back sometime, I'm sure of it. They'll miss you Horatio, you're they're family." Calleigh consoled him.

"I'm bad luck." Horatio sighed.

"Horatio, you're not bad luck…" Calleigh started, but the minister had started talking and Calleigh didn't feel like talking over him. She'd talk to Horatio in time. If she had gotten through things, he could to. She was sure of it, because she'd help him every step of the way. Eric too. They were in this together, and there was no backing out.

--&

So this was going to be some sort of oneshot deal but what do you know? I've started some sort of weird thing that I think needs to be continued. What do you guys think? Tell me in a review? Pleasee? Thank you lovlies! Hope you enjoyed it!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I just got into a real weird mood where I started listening to all my old favourite songs that are slow and depressing and sad, at least to me, and I was drawing, of all things drawing, I am trying to improve my drawing skills, which is semi working actually and then this song came on and I had to write a chapter of this story. I think it's only me hah but this song always makes me cry because to me it has tooons of meaning behind it for me, but I'm not going there now. Here we go: And the song is Here You Me by Jimmy Eat World, and obviously, I don't own it, or the characters.

--&

It was done. Goodbye was over now, and it was time to move on. But what if he didn't want to move on? That's what scared him the most. Forgetting her. Calleigh was beside him still, in the car. He was unaware of how many minutes had passed since she had turned off the engine, but she wasn't moving and he wasn't planning on it either. Goodbye. Goodbye forever Marisol. It was all over now. But he would give anything for it not to be. He would give anything to go back to a day before she was diagnosed, hell, he would give anything to go back to the worst point in her cancer. Go back to fighting with her. Fighting for her. Something he obviously didn't do well enough because now she was dead. He remembered sitting there in her hospital room, and leaving, to go find the bad guy because sitting there with her wasn't enough. He wasn't there when she died. He didn't know if he should be guilty or grateful for that. Guilty for not being there for her, for not getting to say goodbye one last time in person, or grateful that he didn't have to watch the life finally drain out of his sister. There were so many times where he thought he had been, but she'd pulled through. She'd been invincible, and then she'd gone and died.

"Eric are you ready to go inside?" Calleigh asked quietly. They'd been sitting in the car for quite a while, and she was getting overheated in her black pantsuit, and assumed he was as well in his dress pants, shirt and tie. She didn't want to interrupt his thoughts, but he could always continue them inside, and maybe voice a few of them out loud. He didn't say anything, but nodded after a minute and they made their way inside silently.

_There's no one in town I know  
You gave us some place to go.  
I never said thank you for that,  
I thought I might get one more chance._

Silently making their way inside Calleigh's apartment, Eric realized how long it had been since he had been there last. Months, to say the least. In truth, he'd only been there a handful of times since Speed's death. Needless to say he didn't take deaths of people he loved well. As Calleigh headed to the kitchen, presumably to make them coffee, he settled in on the couch. He missed being close to Calleigh. He missed a lot of things. Why did he have so many regrets? He regretted not bugging Speed more to clean his gun when he suspected he might not have been, he regretted not putting up more of a fuss about Marisol and Horatio's wedding. He should have called his parents, his sisters, he should have done anything but just complied. That was why she got killed, ultimately.

"Eric?" He heard Calleigh ask quietly from beside him. Calleigh. If she was gone, what regrets would he have about that? He couldn't be exactly sure, for since she was still sitting beside him, he couldn't regret protecting her in any way from the way she died for he couldn't determine that in his head, but he did know that he would regret not telling her how he felt. He knew that for sure.

_What would you think of me now,  
so lucky, so strong, so proud?  
I never said thank you for that,  
now I'll never have a chance._

"Yeah?" He replied. He shut her, and the rest of the sober, functioning world, out after Speedle's death, and look where that had gotten him. Another person he loved was dead, and this time he was going to do things so as he wouldn't have any regrets.

"Do you want to talk about… anything?" Calleigh asked. She didn't want to specify, confine him to only talking about Marisol. She just wanted to talk. She just wanted to help him feel better again. To remind him that moving on didn't mean forgetting.

"Yes." Eric nodded. It was hard for him to open up, even to Calleigh, who he knew for a fact would never, no matter what, tell anyone anything he said if he had told it to her in confidence.

"Okay." She gave him a hint of an encouraging smile as his eyes met hers for the first time since the funeral. And he let a tear slide down his cheek. Calleigh, for the second time that day, pulled him into her embrace. Stroking his back as he cried, then sobbed.

_  
May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in.  
_

As he brought his tears to a stop, he pulled back from Calleigh slightly as he realized she was crying too, and pulled her closer to him so her head was buried in his neck instead of the other way around. It seemed so right. He had to tell her soon, before he lost her, or lost his courage. But now didn't seem like an appropriate time. Today was about endings, not beginnings.

"I just don't know what I'm going to do. Between blaming myself, finding the bastard who did this and tearing him to pieces, and trying to come to terms with reality… I don't know how I won't either go crazy or depressed." Eric sighed.

"I'll be there with you every step of the way." Calleigh told him, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

"You will?" Eric didn't know why anyone would voluntarily put themselves through this ordeal.

"Yes." Calleigh nodded, now wiping her face vigorously with the sleeve of her shirt to get rid of the tears although her face was still stained with them. "I'll be there to hold you, to cry with you and to bail you out of jail, if you do end up ripping the bastard that did this to pieces, although, as a law enforcement official, I would advise you not to do that…" Eric smiled slightly.

"Horatio might." Eric added.

"That is true." Calleigh smiled slightly. "Just promise me you won't go toothing and lose your badge this time?"

"I promise." Eric was able to see the stupidity in many things he had done in attempts to cope with Speed's death. He was not going to make the same mistakes this time.

_So what would you think of me now,  
so lucky, so strong, so proud?  
I never said thank you for that,  
now I'll never have a chance._

Calleigh was tempted, very tempted, to share with him her personal experiences on this particular topic with Eric, but she didn't want to seem like she was trying to replace his sorrow with pity for her. But she wasn't trying to do that, and she doubted he'd think that, but when anyone was put in, or put themselves in the position of losing someone they love, pity is undeniable. "Good." Was all she said.

"What is it?" He asked, sensing something was off with her that hadn't been before.

"What?" She played innocent. Telling him now was probably the worst idea.

"Calleigh, I'm being honest with you, at least return the favour." He told her gently. She sighed.

"Eric, I want to tell you, but it's just… I don't want you to have to feel like you have to feel sorry for me okay?" She told him. "If I tell you, you can't feel sorry for me. I don't want you to."

"I promise." He told her, although he didn't. If she thought he was going to feel sorry for her for whatever reason she was about to tell him… she was just confusing sometimes.

May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in.  
May angels lead you in.  
May angels lead you in.

"It was so long ago now, but I remember every single detail." Calleigh made sure she included this point as she began her story. "My husband's name was Connor we were twenty two when we got married. We had been childhood friends, we grew up together and ended up going to University in the same city, and we stayed close. It was one of those spur of the moment things, in a sense. We decided to try dating each other, since we weren't having any luck with anyone else and we dated for a year, and he sprung the question on me and I surprised myself, and him I think, by saying yes. He was a journalist, and soon after the wedding he was sent away to the Middle East to cover a story on something or other… and he never came back. He was killed his first week there. We were only married for a month and a half, and I would have spent the rest of my life with him." Calleigh let a few tears run down her cheek and this time, she wasn't the one to wipe them away.

_And if you were with me tonight,  
I'd sing to you just one more time.  
A song for a heart so big,  
god wouldn't let it live.  
_

Eric didn't know how he wasn't supposed to feel sorry for her, he did, but he knew better than to tell her that. "Then you know exactly how Horatio feels." She nodded yes.

"But I know what it feels like to lose people you love, people who you've known your whole life. I told Connor everything, there wasn't a secret about him I didn't know, and there wasn't a secret about me that he didn't know, and he loved me despite all of that."

"If he was here right now, what would you tell him?" Eric wondered.

"After all these years?" Calleigh thought for a minute. "I would tell him two things. That I loved him, and I wouldn't change a thing."

"You wouldn't stop him from going on that trip if you could go back in time?" Eric was shocked.

"I don't think so." Calleigh shrugged, "I loved Connor and he loved me. We both knew it and we spent twenty amazing years of our lives as friends, and then more. Things would have been different if he hadn't have went on that trip… I wouldn't have the job I have, I probably would have children and I wouldn't know you."

"Oh." Was all Eric could think of to say.

"What about you?" She asked. "If Marisol was here right now, what would you say?"

"That I wished it was me." Eric finally decided upon. "That I wish they hit me fatally instead of her."

"Honestly?" It was now Calleigh's turn to be shocked.

"Honestly." Eric nodded.

_May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in.  
_

"Don't you think there's a reason that twice now it could have been you that died, but it wasn't?" Calleigh voiced her thoughts.

"Probably." Eric nodded. "But it doesn't mean I wouldn't take Speed or Marisol's place in a second."

"Well is there something you are one hundred percent sure you would regret terribly if you were to die right now?"

"A girl." Eric nodded. "I think I'm in love with her, for real. But I don't know how to tell her. Do you think if I tell her that means that I'll die? Because I'll have nothing to live for?" Eric knew it sounded pathetic, and stupid. He knew that telling Calleigh how he felt wouldn't determine whether or not he died… but he had asked it, and she was opening her mouth to answer.

"Oh Eric, you won't die if you tell her, and telling her," Calleigh explained, "Will only give you more reason to live."

_May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in.  
_

"How do you figure?" He wondered.

"You'll have love. You'll have her."

_May angels lead you in_.

--&

A/N: So I hope you enjoyed that! I listened to the song constantly while I was writing this chapter from the point that it started to the point that it ended hah which added up to 56 times. Hahah. Oh great. But anyhow, please review! Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three:

A/N: It's always a smart idea, the night before your last exam, to start writing a chapter of a story at eleven thirty at night when I should be oh, starting to study, or maybe even sleeping! Bah! Who needs those things! FEW HOURS TILL SUMMER! WOOT!

Here we go, and thank you muchly for all the wonderful reviews! I apologize for the lengths of time between my updates! I am in an OOBER weird mood tonight, so I am going to probably end up writing this really weirdly, so bear with me.

--&

_"How do you figure?" He wondered._

_"You'll have love. You'll have her."_

_--&_

Seconds of silence turned into minutes as they avoided each other's gazes. If Eric had hopes of this conversation staying hypothetical or vague when it started, they were long gone now. The way she looked into his eyes when she said the last spoken words, the words, which were echoing vividly through both of their minds… she knew. She knew, but she still said that he'd have her. She loved him. She loved him!

_Where colours combine and fire ignites. _The lone line was running through her head as she stared intently at him now, waiting. Waiting for him to look up. Anticipating the inevitable. She loved him, and he loved her. An ending. A beginning. Today was sad. Today was tragic. Today was the best day of her life, and that killed her inside. She could only imagine what it would do to him. Today was worse than tragic for him. Today was the day a part of his life ended. A big part of his life. She knew today was possibly, and most likely the worst day to being a relationship. She was glad Eric was not a philosophical man. Aristotle once more or less stated that Tragedy was where pity and terror combined. Terror, he had experienced. Terror was waiting, searching for clues, for a killer, while his sister was dying in a hospital bed. Terror was facing head on the prospect of never seeing someone you loved more dearly than life again, ever. Terror was saying goodbye. And pity. Pity had come plentifully. She could name offhand thirty people at least, that she knew by name that pitied Eric at that moment. But if Eric was to think about it, he would naturally assume that this was pity. The way her hand ever so slowly reached for his was pity. The way their fingers connected and intertwined was pity. The way she leaned the slightest bit closer and green eyes met brown. There was no more pity; there was no more terror. There was no more tragedy in that moment. There was nothing but green, but brown, but intensity that two souls had never before known existed. There was truth. There was love, but tragedy was no more. Tragedy, for a short period of time was forgotten. Somewhere far away, in the back of their minds, they knew it was lurking, for it was something that could not be so easily escaped, but this temporary refuge would due. Yes, this temporary refuge would be more than okay.

--&

By this point, Horatio Caine, alone and confused, could not tell the difference between reality and the nightmare from which he had just awoken. As reality sunk in, and his dream began to fade away into consciousness, he realized the two were not so different after all. In fact, his nightmare might have been better. At least it didn't seem so real. She was gone. He felt gone too. She had been his life, she had been his second chance, and she had been his third chance. And she had been perfect. The most beautiful person, the most beautiful thing period, he had ever laid his eyes on. Yes, a breathing, loving, human, reflection of perfection indeed. And she loved him. He had deliriously thanked every god he could think of each time she cast her adoring gaze on him. Each kiss, surreal, each memory made his heart race. He would have given anything for her not to die. He would have given anything for it to not be his fault. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and yet he would have taken back every second he had spent with her if it meant she would still be alive. If it meant she would still be radiating beauty in the way that only she could, that she was happy. That she was safe. He didn't think he would ever be okay again. He knew he wouldn't. Forever. Forever should be taken out of the dictionary. There was no such thing. Forever was a lie. A promise destined to be broken, yet a promise he had made. He should have known better than to promise her that. How did he let himself slip away? He could answer that question easily. He may be heartbroken, he may have been dead inside, but he still wasn't stupid. He'd never been stupid. He'd be captivated. He'd fallen in love. He had been infatuated with her. He would have done anything for her, and he ended up doing this. How could something that felt so right suddenly seem so wrong? How did he let her waste those last months of her life on him? She deserved so much better. She deserved so much more, yet she never got the chance. He didn't know what to do with the rest of his life. He was no longer partial to his work. That didn't matter anymore. He had found love, he had lost love. He had nothing to do but wait to die. He had nothing to do but wait for forever. For he now related forever with the end. Forever was promise of ending. And he wanted it now. He wanted the pain to go away, he just wanted her. He just wanted to be with her one last time. To here her laugh, to see her eyes light up when she smiled. He wanted to here her call his name, he wanted to see their child. They never got the chance to have their child. The unborn, unconceived memory he longed for. A piece of her, a piece of him, which was never created. That was all she ever wanted, and all she never got. How had something that seemed so right, how had they been so wrong?

--&

A/N: Damn! Exam in seven hours, and sleep zero so far. Must go sleep and dream about To Kill a Mockingbird and The Merchant of Venice now! Ah, the joys of Grade Nine English, DONE IT NOW! Woot! There's no way I can fail English, even if I skip the exam I still pass! Woot! Good night everyone, and please review!


	4. Chapter 4

IDEA: Horatio ends up leaving for Miami without telling Eric, and only leaving him a note because he doesn't know if he'll make it back alive, and he can see what Eric and Calleigh have, and he wouldn't want either one of them to have to go through what he is.

Chapter Four:

A/N: So I saw Dashboard Confessionals live last night, and oh boy were they amazing! Absolutely awesome! Well, now I will write the next chapter of this story. Hope you enjoy it!

--&

It was Calleigh's cell phone that woke the pair. For one second, everything seemed perfect. In that one-second, the transition between subconsciousness and consciousness where the only existing elements were her, and his sleeping form, everything was fine. But after that second, when she really woke up, the content smile vanished into the memories. The memories, which seemed all more real this morning, as they'd been dug up the night before. Memories, packaged neatly along with pieces of our hearts, fragments of our trust, slivers of our love delivered to the very depths of our soul where she liked her memories to stay. So easily forgotten, so easily misplaced in the dark… but she couldn't continue to forget, she couldn't continue to obliviate, not when Eric was in such pain over such a similar situation. Sometimes it was worth it, to sacrifice just a bit of your sanity, just a bit of your façade for someone you love as much as she loved Eric. Yes, Eric was worth it. She hoped she was enough to get him through this. In the most desperate times, all you could do was hope. All you can do is wish.

Eric's eyes fluttered open and he only wished they hadn't. Realization, sadness, and pain hit him full on. Surprisingly he wasn't thrown back physically by the realization like he was mentally. He still had his arms wrapped tightly around Calleigh as if she was his lifeline, the reason he was surviving. She was. She was the only one who was brave enough, knowledgeable enough, caring enough, to follow him around, to persist when no one else dared to. Persistence, however, from any one else in this particular situation, would have angered him, persistence at this time, attempts to reason, he would have brushed off. But from Calleigh, everything seemed so much more sincere. Sorry wasn't simply an overused word nearly drained from emotion due to overuse. False apologies, he hated most, but from Calleigh, he knew it wasn't false, he knew it wasn't overused. Calleigh meant every word she said. It was like that time, that time when he was ready to give up after Speed's death, long after Speed's death and he was getting better, he really was, and then Speed's case got reopened, his memories, his feelings, got opened with it. "Eric, I trust you with every fibre of my being and you know that." Was what she had told him. And he knew she meant it. He looked into her eyes then, and if any further confirmation was needed, he knew then that he loved her. He knew.

"Eric?" She asked, and he grunted in response. "You hungry?"

"Not really." He shrugged. He didn't feel like eating, he didn't feel like living. She was the only thing keeping him alive and he appreciated that, he really did. But he needed confirmation; he needed to know if this was temporary, or if this was reality. He didn't know if he could ask. She had been so good to him, she was his common sense, and she was his rationality when he was too far-gone to care. But if she left, if she broke his heart, he couldn't go on. He couldn't. Torn. Broken. Two sides, once again, pulling him opposite ways. Should he ask, risk breaking his heart now? Or should he wait, push these negative thoughts into the back of his mind, wait until he was just a little bit stronger, just strong enough to survive on his own, and then risk it. He didn't think, nope, he knew he couldn't deal with that now. Not on top of everything else. Abandonment, he felt, was the only connection he had with other people. With anyone other than Calleigh. He was very connected to her, especially now, when his arms were wrapped around her, but their connection went far past physical. She could have left last night, and he'd still feel this wrapped around her. But did she feel the same way about him? Or was this just another game, just another way to forget for her.

"Eric?" She asked tentatively.

"Yeah?" He croaked, not as a wake as his mind.

"I love you." She whispered. He smiled, his previous worries blown away. How three words could change your life.

"I love you too." More than anything in the world, he added silently. But he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. Not due to the fact that it wasn't true, but because it didn't feel right. He didn't know if his sister, if Speed even, could hear what he was saying. He wasn't too much of a spiritual person, but he did contemplate religion, and spirits from time to time, especially so soon after Marisol's death. Where had she gone, and could she tell what he was saying, what he was thinking? Would she resent the fact that he loved Calleigh more than he had loved her? No. Marisol would never have wanted him to feel guilty for loving Calleigh. She, herself, had asked him many times when he was going to do something about his feelings, sending him disapproving looks when he introduced her to the less than a week, purely physical, relationships he fell in the habit of getting into. He knew he would never want that with Calleigh. That's why, in fact, he had waited so long to initiate anything with her. He didn't want to end up wasting his chance with her by starting something when he was in the habit of ending relationships before they had any possibility of getting serious. But he knew, somewhere deep inside, that with her and Calleigh, a non-serious relationship was not a possibility. She was nothing like those other girls, well almost nothing like them. She was just, if not more, stunningly beautiful than they had been, but on top of that, she wasn't a bimbo, in any sense. No, she was intelligent, everyone knew that. She was also caring, supportive, very secretive and just overall amazing. His dream girl. And he here was, with her in his arms, and he couldn't help but feel complete.

"Should we get up and get some coffee at least?" She suggested. She knew he was still deep in thought. She was as well. About him, about Conner, about Horatio even. They both needed their time, to get over everything, to register everything even, but it had been years since Conner died, and she had tried to deal with it alone. Look how far that had gotten her. They needed to do this together.

"Yeah." Eric sighed.

Fifteen minutes later, they were in the kitchen waiting for the coffee to brew when the doorbell rang. Eric, still so lost in thought, didn't even register the sound, but Calleigh did, and moved to answer it. Pulling the door open, Horatio stepped inside.

"Horatio?" Calleigh asked, moving aside so he could move further into the entrance way.

"I'm going to Brazil." Horatio announced sullenly. That brought Eric out of his thoughts immediately.

"Horatio, I don't know if that's such a good idea…" Calleigh began, but Eric cut in before she could continue.

"I'm coming with you." He announced. Calleigh didn't say anything to that, but the look in her eyes wasn't lost on Horatio. He was a very perceptive man. He had been trained to be so from a very young age, and the connection his friends shared wasn't lost on him. Neither was the fact that Calleigh was answering Eric's door at seven in the morning.

"Okay." Was all Horatio said before he turned to leave. "I'm leaving tomorrow morning, be at my house at six am." Calleigh's face dropped further. She thought Horatio was going to at least protest. She wanted him, she need him to have. What if Eric died in Brazil? What if Horatio died in Brazil? What would she do then, losing the love of her life, and possibly her second best friend, and the person she had known longest in Miami? But the door shut quietly behind Horatio as he left. Calleigh's world, which she had envisioned as slowly piecing itself back together with Eric's help was quickly tumbling around her, and she couldn't do a thing.

Eric sat back down. The coffee was finished brewing now, but neither of them cared to notice. He was going to Brazil. Tomorrow. He was leaving Calleigh. He was leaving love. But he was chasing love as well, wasn't he? He was chasing Marisol's killer. Justice needed to be served because once again, the government had failed to do so. He and Horatio had to do this themselves. But was it right of him to leave the love that still lived for love that had passed? Probably not. Marisol would probably come kill him herself if she could. He knew she wouldn't want him to leave Calleigh here alone and risk never coming back to see her again, but he promised Marisol so many years ago when she had first been diagnosed that he would do whatever it took to protect her. He had failed. Because of this man, he had failed, and for that, this man deserved to die. It wasn't that he didn't trust Horatio to do the job. He did. He could only imagine how much restraint it was taking Horatio to wait until tomorrow morning to go. He knew if someone killed Calleigh, he would have them killed before they could leave the scene. Looking up at Calleigh, she looked hurt. She looked broken. He hadn't see that look on her face before. He had seen glimpses of it when she had to go and take her father home from bars during work, and when Speed had died. And then again last night when she had told him about Conner. Then he realized how similar this situation must have seemed to the one where she lost her last love. Conner must have known it was dangerous in the Middle East. He must have known that there was a chance he wouldn't come home to Calleigh. He must have known, and yet he went. The situation was practically identical, save the destination. He would be careful, but was that enough? Would Calleigh even ever forgive him for leaving? And how long would he be gone? Uncertainty, it clouded his brain. Would he even feel the satisfaction he was hoping to gain by killing this man? He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure if any satisfaction he got from being a murderer would replace the loss he would feel if he lost Calleigh too. Why was he choosing to put himself through the possibility of loosing someone else just to avenge lost love? He shouldn't. But he couldn't not. Not now, after he'd agreed to going with Horatio. He would go to Brazil, and that was that.

--&

A/N: Sorry if that was kind of ramble-ish. I want to continue quickly hah so the next chapter wil probably be up REALLY soon but right now I have to go to my friends house and watch movies aha they're waiting for me, I think. So yeah. I best be off. Please review! 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five:

A/N: Wow, so I just read the last chapter again so I could remember what happened in it and there are a TON of grammatical mistakes. Ohwell. This one will be better. Here we go:

--&

Horatio left Calleigh's with a sigh. He wasn't leaving tomorrow morning at six, there was no way he could wait that long. There was also no way that he could let Eric come with him. He knew there was a chance he would never come back to Miami. It was a dangerous decision to go to Brazil seeking revenge, especially without backup and without knowing the actuality of what he was up against, but he had to do it. Eric and Calleigh had what he had with Marisol. He could tell that just from being around them, and they weren't going to lose that by making bad decisions clouded by tragedy. He already had his bags in the car, and he was on his way to the airport now. He just hoped that Eric would come to his senses today, and choose to go to stay with Calleigh on his own, because if he didn't, Horatio wasn't sure if Calleigh would ever forgive him.

--&

"Cal," Eric began, giving up hope on sorting out his thoughts.

"I don't want to hear it Eric." She told him, pouring the coffee silently, willing herself not to break down.

"Calleigh… I have to go." He reasoned with her.

"No Eric!" She spun around, slamming the coffee pot down as she did so. "You don't have to go. You don't have to do anything. This is a choice." There was silence as even the swishing of the coffee in the pot began to die down, and settle. Calleigh focused in on the ripples of the coffee, willing herself not to cry. None the less, a tear slipped down her cheek.

"Cal," He began. "I…" He paused again, gently cupping her face with his hands and wiping the tear away with his thumb. "I don't want you to cry."

"But I love you." She argued. "I don't want you to leave me!" More tears. It broke Eric's heart to see her cry.

"I love you too." He assured her.

"Then why are you leaving me Eric? You know that Horatio might not come back here. You know he might get killed because he has no idea what he's walking into. He is blind with fury, with sadness. He can't see clearly, he can't think clearly. I can see that because you're the same way. You don't understand what you're walking into because you're too much a part of it."

"You just don't understand." Eric shook his head, never breaking the eye contact they had. It was almost smouldering. Suffocating. "I just… Marisol… I promised her."

"Eric, your sister wouldn't want to see you dead. Ever. You kept her alive. You were there for her every time she needed you and when she didn't. But you can't be there for her anymore Eric. I do understand. And look at me. What would have happened if I had gone to Iraq and tried to kill the soldier that killed Conner?"

"But Calleigh, that was a war. It's a totally different situation." Eric tried to reason, but his defence was failing quickly.

"And you think that Riaz is any safer than a war? If anything, it's probably more dangerous. At least I wouldn't have been killed without a second thought. Riaz, and Noche member, they'll kill you without thinking twice." Calleigh reasoned. "Please Eric. I wouldn't have even had anyone to come to. No one else loved me. But Conner did. He always did." With this, Calleigh broke down again. And that's when Eric realized he had to deal with this. Seeing how broken Calleigh was all these years later, all this time… she hadn't really healed. She hadn't allowed herself to heal. She still wanted Connor to be alive because she couldn't see how any one else loved her. How he loved her.

"Calleigh," He sighed, gathering her gently in his arms and carrying her back to the bedroom. She was still sobbing, shaking in his arms when he set her down on the bed as gently as he'd picked her up. She shut her eyes as he laid her down on the familiar bed, savouring the comfort it brought her. She shivered, mostly from crying. And as her sobs died down to small shuddering breaths wracking her body, Eric climbed into the bed behind her, securing his body behind hers. "I'll always be here for you. I love you. I always will." He took a breath, and said a silent prayer to his deceased sister, even though he knew that he was making the decision Marisol would want him to make. "And I'll never leave you. I'm not going to Brazil."

"I'm sorry." She turned in his arms to face him, her tears still damp and red from crying, her eyes bloodshot and her blonde hair a mess. "I just made you choose between me and your dead sister. How selfish am I?"

"Cal, you're not selfish. But you are beautiful. I don't know how I was ever thinking of leaving you." He sighed, cupping her face once more, and running his thumb over it like he had earlier.

"Of course you were. Marisol was your sister. You've known her for longer than you've been alive. Longer than you've been in the United States, Eric. You fought cancer with her! You beat it too. You two were a team. And she just died. You're broken, and you're angry. You deserve to be. I feel like I'm taking away your right to be."

"Cal, I'm still broken. And I'm still very angry… but not at you. I don't think I ever can be angry with you." He reassured her.

"I'll remember that." She smiled weakly, he did the same.

"But you're broken too. Not necessarily over Marisol, because you'd only met her once or twice… and not only for me, but for yourself. You never got over Conner. You never dealt with his death, and this is dragging up all of those old feelings for you. We're both broken, we're both angry, and we both need to heal. We have to do this together."

"There's no other way." Calleigh shrugged. "I've tried long enough to do it alone. It's not easy, and it's sure as hell not fun."

"And I want to help you." Eric added.

"I want to help you too." Calleigh told him, giving him a light kiss on the lips which he feverously returned.

"Good. 'Cause I couldn't do it without you."

--&

A/N: I never know how to end my chapters, so they just end. Hah. Ohwell. Hopefully that one's a little easier to read/better written. My last one was REALLY brutal, I apologize, again. I'm going to try and update more, but reviews alwaaaays help:)!


	6. Chapter 6

In This Together: Chapter Six

A/N: Whoa, so I have not updated this since forever! I am trying to finish off all of my old fan fictions that I can so that I can start all new ones. I might let some of them go. Because I just am not following the train of thought that I was when I started writing them. Actually, if anyone has read any of my other fanfictions and there is one you actually want me to finish because you want an ending, I'll finish it for you, but if there are some with little interest anymore, I'll probably leave them.

Okay, here we go.

--&

"Horatio?"

"Eric, how are you holding up?"

"We're okay over here. I was just calling to tell you I won't be coming with you to Brazil."

"I know."

"You know?" Eric asked, slightly confused.

"I'm in Brazil already Eric."

"You weren't planning on letting me come with you?"

"Eric, you can Calleigh have something special. You have what Marisol and I had, and you're not loosing that. I won't let you." That was Horatio being Horatio.

"H, I appreciate it. I really do. And will you do something for me?"

"Don't worry Eric. I'll get him."

"Okay, well I'll see you when you get back." Eric sighed as he hung up the phone. It's not that he didn't have faith in Horatio's need, want or ability to carry out the task, he just couldn't let go of the fact that he'd let Marisol down.

"What is it Eric?"

"Oh, nothing. I just called Horatio to see how he was doing. He's already in Brazil."

"He wasn't waiting for you?"

"He knew I'd stay."

"Oh." She sighed. She didn't want him to leave, but she didn't want to force him to stay if he was going to regret it later.

"I want to stay." He clarified upon seeing the look of uncertainty dance across her features.

"Are you sure?" It was weird for him to see the regularly self confident, stubborn Calleigh doubting herself, doubting his honesty.

"I'm sure."

"Okay." Silence engulfed them as they made their way to the living room, a newfound awkwardness causing their thoughts to stumble, preventing them from finding the solace they so desperately craved in each other.

"How do you make it go away?" He whispered suddenly.

"You let it out."

"I don't want to forget."

"Then don't let it out to forget. Let it out to remember."

"What if I don't know how? What if I can't remember?"

"You will. It might take time. But you will." And in that moment, he realized, eyes out of tears, mind dry of thoughts, clear of memories that summer would pass. Autumn would come, then winter, and again spring. And she wouldn't be there.

"She won't be there."

"Eric," Calleigh began, but it was no use.

"She won't be there. Someday I'll get married. I'll have kids. And they'll never know her."

"Eric," This was the wrong time for her heart to lurch at the thought of Eric as a father.

"She won't be there. If I meet someone tomorrow… they could come into my life never knowing that I had a sister. Never knowing how amazing she was. I don't want that."

"Eric,"

"But they could come into my life not knowing that I let her down. I promised her Calleigh. I _promised._"

"Eric you did everything you could."

"I shouldn't have taken her to such an open location,"

"Eric, punishing yourself for no reason won't make it any better. You did _everything _you could. Everything. You didn't know there was a sniper. You didn't know they would know where you were. You didn't know Eric. So don't pretend you could have."

"I just feel like there should have been something more."

"Believe me Eric, I understand. I wish that I didn't, but I do . I spent the first year after Conner's death trying to figure out what I should have done differently. Had I been a better wife… if I had been prettier, less stubborn, argumentative…"

"But those are the things that make you you. Those are the reasons he fell in love with you."

"You don't know that Eric. You can't tell what he was thinking, and it's too late to change those things now. We can't tell what we could have done better, and we can't tell what's going to happen. Had he known he was going to die, would he have left? No. But he didn't know. Just like you didn't know what was going to happen when you were meeting your sister in a public area. It should have been safe Eric."

"It should have been safe but it wasn't."

"And what do we fight every day? You're making a difference."

"I know."

"And you know what else Eric? She died happy. She was married; she and Horatio were going to have children. She was really happy Eric, and you were a part of that. You were making her happy."

"She was happy." Eric admitted, and with the admittance came remembrance. Not complete remembrance, but came memories.

"And you can't forget Alaina and Sara. Because they'll be struggling to remember too. Maybe not as desperately as you, obviously you and Marisol were closer… but you grew up together. After Conner… the only person I could talk to for the longest time about anything was his sister."

"Do you still talk to her?" Had it not been such a time of despair and tragedy for him, he would take more time to absorb the multitude to which this must have affected her. To be concerned as to why she didn't tell him until now. But this was mutual tragedy. She was broken, still, after all of this time and he had just broken. Together they were determined to become whole again, or as whole as one can be after such a fall.

"Not as often as I'd like. There was a period of time when we stopped talking completely because it was easier to forget. It was wrong, and deep inside I knew it only made it worse, but on the surface it made it so much easier to pretend everything was okay. So I stopped calling, stop e-mailing… for two years, as far as I was concerned, I wasn't a widow."

"But you are."

"But I am."

"Does it ever get easier?"

"It's been less than twenty four hours since the funeral. It gets worse. Once everything fully sinks in. And whether that happens today, or tomorrow, or next week… I'll be here."

"Who was there for you?" The empty look in her eyes communicated more than her whispered answer, which he didn't quite hear. And seeing that emptiness, the same emptiness he saw when he visited his sister at the hospital… it never got easier. Not for her.

"I'll be here."

--&

A/N: I was going to continue the chapter, but then I decided not to. So if you're still interested in reading this one, review me, or well yeah. But I like this one a lot actually, so I'll keep writing it anyways.


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